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Finding God

December 16, 2007
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Finals are over. Grades have been posted. I did well and the work is over until January 24th. Thank goodness. It has been a crazy semester. I’m not a huge fan of change and there has been a great deal of change in my life the past few months. Seminary was a transition. I’m not sure I got used to the schedule and now the semester is over and I will have a whole new schedule in January. My relationships have changed. My living situation is changing and while it is a good thing, it is all completely out of my control. I have a huge control issue and have since I was a child. I want to be in control of everything. I want to fix everything. It’s a problem for those people around me…

That being said, I have entered a season of my life which is not fun because it is full of growth. The things that I used to rely on have been stripped from me and I am being forced to rely on other things. I am rediscovering my identity. I am (at the encouragement of a friend) learning how to play and have fun again. I remember being happy. I remember thinking that things in my life were going TOO well and that eventually things would fall apart. (Someone’s pessimism has evidently rubbed off on me!) I want to get back to that place, while retaining the element of things I am learning now.

My mom said that I am learning a lesson right now. I reminded her that it was a lesson that I’ve already learned. This brings up the idea that sometimes we need to learn and relearn things until we can incorporate them into our daily life and not just life of chaos. When my life is a struggle and I’m feeling sad and don’t know where to turn I pray more. I call friends and spend time doing things with people I care about. I do things that I enjoy! I make an effort to find happiness. When life makes me happy, I do not do these things. I feel like God is forcing me to learn things through the tough times in order that I will remember when things get better…because they will get better.

Maybe I am being cryptic, but I hope that some of this means something to you. If you are flying through life, everything going wonderful, take a moment to be thankful. Take 30 minutes to devote time to God. Call an old friend, especially one who might be going through a tough time. If things are not going the way that you want them to, remember that ultimately we have no control.

Today I am so thankful for wonderful friends, old and new. I am thankful for brainless tv and thoughtful revelations that bring peace. I am thankful for cute jeans and postsecret.com. I am thankful for romance. I am thankful for Christmas trees.

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One Comment leave one →
  1. Ramesh permalink
    June 3, 2008 3:10 pm

    I was just reading your blog and I liked it very much. The present post on finding god impressed me a lot and best part and particularly when r thankful for little little things in life. You are absolutely right that God force us to learn things through tough times.

    Regards,
    Ramesh

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