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Bearing gifts as if they’re burdens.

May 2, 2009

Warning: Theological reflection! πŸ˜‰

labyrinth-large

Friday was my final class at Perkins. It was sad, overwhelming, and somewhat freeing. My final class was Spiritual Formation of the Church and we spent some time walking a labyrinth at a local church. I was not looking forward to it as I knew I needed some time for reflection…I’d been in a serious funk due to packing, saying goodbye, moving, finishing classes, etc. I knew that walking the labyrinth would convict me in some way about my miserable attitude.

Our professor had a bowl of rocks at the entrance of the labyrinth for us to pick up and carry to represent our burdens. I grabbed the biggest one I could find. My burdens were HUGE: wedding planning, job finding, moving, packing, finishing papers, etc. About two steps into my walking the labyrinth Ginny Owens‘ song “Free” was ringing in my head. I haven’t heard that song in years, but I suddenly couldn’t think of anything else.

Turnin’ molehills into mountains
Makin’ big deals out of small ones
Bearing gifts as if they’re burdens

dscn0229These are the first three lines of this song. The third line was ringing in my head. I was carrying this heavy rock that symbolized my “burdens” when in actuality, I was so richly blessed. I have such an incredibly wonderful support system in Dallas that I am devastated to leave, even to leave to be with my fiance whom I love. I am lucky to have friends who will hug me when I cry and then completely ignore the fact that I lost it. The diamond on my left hand reminds me that not only do I dscn0161have a generous grandmother but also a compassionate, thoughtful, caring man who has already promised to love me for the rest of my life. Together we have two of the sweetest cats and one loving dog; life is so good.

This does not negate the fact that I am still completely terrified, overwhelmed, and anxious. I continue walking the labyrinth singing Ginny’s song:

This is how it’s been
Afraid of coming out of my shell
Too many things I can’t do too well
Afraid I’ll try real hard
And I’ll fail

This is how it’s been

For weeks I have been trying to give words to some of my fears. I thought I was scared because I didn’t have a job in Louisiana. Then I got a job. Still scared. I’m afraid I’ll try real hard and I’ll fail. I know that moving and making a new life in Louisiana is going to be hard. I know that starting a new job is going to be hard. I know planning a wedding from another state is going to be hard. I know that my first year of marriage is going to be hard. I am ready to work hard. I’m a tough girl and can handle a lot. I work hard. But I’m scared I’m going to fail. I know failure is just part of life, but I’m about as good with failure as I am with change… πŸ˜‰
Till the day You pounded on my heart’s door
And You shouted joyfully
You’re not a slave anymore!

Overall, I was reminded as I wandered the labyrinth how incredibly rich my life is. I exchanged my heavy rock (that I decided was a mix of burden and blessing) for another rock that was less burden and more blessing. Life is hard, but completely worth the fight.

CHORUS:
You’re free to dance
Forget about your two left feet
And you’re free to sing
Even joyful noise is music to Me
You’re free to love
‘Cause I’ve given you My love
And it’s made you free
I have set you free!

My mind finds hard to believe
That You became humanity and
Changed the course of history
Because You loved us so
And my heart cannot understand
How You accept me as I am
But You say You’ve always had a plan
And that’s all I need to know
So when I am consumed
With what the world will say
Then You’re singing to me, as You remove
my chains

Free from worry
Free from envy and denial
Free to live, free to give, free to smile

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. Pam DeSimone permalink
    May 2, 2009 10:32 am

    That was absolutely beautiful!

  2. vickielynne permalink
    May 9, 2009 2:50 am

    I LOVE her music! What a gift Ginny Owens has been given. I just referenced one of her songs (If You Want Me To) on my facebook status this week.

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