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June 7, 2009

When I was younger I imagined what my engagement and wedding process would be like. I imagined being engaged at 22 and married 10 months later. I wasn’t living in reality about money and assumed that I’d have tens of thousands of dollars to spend on a gorgeous wedding for everyone I know. I dreamed of mashed potato martinis, a carving station, and romantic lighting at our evening reception. When I wasn’t even seriously dating (not for lack of trying!) at 22, I began to wonder if I would ever get married. By 24 I was thrilled to be living alone with my cats. I loved my job and was enjoying my relaxing life.

Then BAM! I left my job, started dating someone seriously, and was suddenly an adult. I started seminary and was living a life I never thought I would. I was back dreaming about weddings again, but this time it was location (and groom!) specific. When our relationship ended I was crushed for many reasons. However, it only took a month or so for me to come (back) to the conclusion that the single life forever wouldn’t be the end of the world. I settled back into the single life. I got excellent grades, grew spiritually, and had a very full life. I was planning trips, taking interesting classes, walking a TON, and spending time with friends. Life was grand.

Then…BAM! I went to a best friend’s wedding, was reunited with a friend, and fell in love. That was late July 2008. Less than a year ago. Jarrod and I dated for 3 months before we got engaged. Unlike my earlier fantasies of wedding planning, we had limited finds, focus on the important things, issues of distance, and family dynamics. Somewhere in my idealistic mind, I thought that once a ring was on my finger all issues of family relationships and finances would be erased. Sadly, no. These issues are highlighted under the stress of planning what is essentially a huge party for everyone we know. Not everything has been stressful about being engaged, but it certainly has been more difficult than I imagined. Don’t get my wrong, I am THRILLED to be engaged and in 27 days will be marrying the man of my dreams. I couldn’t be happier and I thank God everyday for this incredibly rich life.

But… Being engaged is hard and I’m SO ready to be a wife. I’m more than ready for this glorious wedding to be over. I don’t think there will be wedding withdrawal around here. I’m ready to throw myself into other things…like church, work, and the 3-day! All that’s to say that being engaged is not entirely what I thought it would be and I’m excited that it’s about over. I care very little about dresses, shoes, sparkles, makeup, flowers, etc. I care very much about seeing all of my friends and family in the same room having a great time. I care about the communion liturgy and the hymns. I care about spending the rest of my life with the love of my life. I am so excited to be an official family. With Lucy, Sophie, and Oliver, of course!

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